Candy Bag

In just 6 days, I'll be on that plane.
Kissing the air of here a silent goodbye...
and basking in the tears that fall from my chocolate eyes.

An adventure of my dreams will soon be--
My Reality.

A mixed bag of emotions.
I dig through in desperate search of the candy-coated feelings.
Sweet, simple, full of color.
I gather a handful, press my face lightly into them.
Breathe in.
Sugar-glazed and positively-dazed.

This dream state can last forever, I don't mind.

Reaching in and grabbing with insistence...
the feelings that do me no good.
Throw away...
and bid farewell to darker days.

Arms outstretched, I embrace you: my future.

Drift, Sway, Break.

I drift into the afternoon with the wonder of the New Year swaying above my head.
With fear and excitement engulfing my body and mind, I take a deep breath.
Break down the fantasies--good, bad, indifferent--erase and wipe clean.

Pure. Untouched. Bare. Raw and Ready.

Pushing through the next few weeks, dreading the hard goodbyes but reminding myself that it's just a new beginning.

I'll be back whether in body or spirit. I'll be back soon.

Nostalgic in Transition

A treasure chest of golden days.
Yellow flakes break.
And rain down on,
this face of youth maturing.

In mystery, I see promise and the backdrop of my history.
In shades of orange and crystal blue--tomorrow has signed her name.
A territory claimed just for me, to start the story of who I'll be.

I smile a closed mouth grin as tears roll down my cheek.
Bittersweet.

To the goodbyes and chapters closed, tucked away you'll be.

To the next that comes along...
Take from me the knowledge of another world and time,
and share with me the energy of your soul, the light that thrives inside.

Let me walk away...graceful, humble, and all brand new.

November is You

Oh, November here you are again...
Covering the ground with fallen leaves and memories.

Orange and yellow scatter this place
reminding me
of the fire that burned in the heart of You and I.

Too splendid to cry
anything but a joyful tear
for it's nearly 2010...
a new world, a new year.

Imaginary letters float around my fluid mind
wishing I could share my smiles with you
wishing that you felt it too.

A fleeting breeze blows my way this tranquil fall--
Filling my thoughts: the Novembers when you were my All.
All I was, was you.

Wondering how the days drop off your calendar
as you drift into a new time.

*Mine are dropping rather gracefully.

Although, there are those days I'd like to press rewind...
Just to feel, one more time, the way November felt with you by my side.

The Moon is my New Home

My apartment.
My automobile.
My possessions.

My block.
My town.
My city.

My family.
My friends.
My co workers.

My life.
My world.
My existence.

As I Know It--Will Soon Disintegrate.

Right before my eyes.

Am I crazy to welcome this change?
No, no...just...
Finally walking to my edge and plunging into the future that was written
in the stars for me.
Shiny, bright, and lighting up my sky.

Aw, so refreshing is the moon, my universal home...
Look up there my friends and think of me.

And know I'm thinking of you too.

Sweet like Sugar

Tripping, falling, HARD into a darkness that clouds this mind of mine.
Oh, how I search for a drastic distraction...
All I find is myself face-to-face with reality, yes--
A healthy embrace includes No escape.

Breathe and allow the shift to take hold.

A grand beginning awaits just around that corner...
I smile a great big smile; my dimples pinch my cheeks.
The mystery of tomorrow -- feeds my today.
Passionately I kiss the lips of my future OH how sweet it surely tastes.

First Journal Entry in Travel

On the second plane to Bali...and overcome with emotions, tears stream down my face. So happy to be here in this time and place. I peer out the window and see a world so brand new below me. All the wonder fills my mind.

So thankful to be healthy and alive. This is THE LIFE. This is living.

How would I have felt to have given this up for anyone or anything. Nobody deserves to take this from me. Love will be there-- in one form or another. If it's only while laying on the bed with Jaylen as he lays his head on my pillow, looks me in the eyes and says "I wuv you". I could live with that forever. Some day, when the planets align--it will happen for me! And I'm no longer worried, waiting or seeking that day. I have faith that it will be there exactly when I need it.

The cotton ball clouds comfort all of me. The undiscovered land below calls my name. How did I almost let this experience dissolve right before my eyes. How did I almost let him take this from me...I am so proud of myself for being strong, standing my ground, and staying true to myself.

I walk through this journey with an open mind and an open heart--hoping to grow and become the best I can be. I truly believe the best of me comes from exploring the world--engaging in culture and in people. This is my passion. It may be a passion that creates inability for "socially correct" relationships, but I believe that there is a reason for this and a reason for me. I think most people look down upon the "unconventional" life. The wanderer is not usually the one we look up to. We call them crazy, we call them reckless, but I on the other hand, call them my HERO.

It's crazy how your mind plays tricks on you. How can I sit at home and think about flying and be so terrified and when I'm actually doing it, I am so at ease. I love the beauty I see as I look down at the world below. I truly feel alive. Never will I put myself on the sideline. Call it selfish but this is the only way to enrich my life and become a better person. I am so excited to meet new people from all over the world--to hear their stories, to be moved by their experiences. I'm excited to become more human, more well-rounded; I'm excited to be an advanced version of who I am today.

I'll be the first to admit giving up a seemingly flawless relationship was difficult but in hindsight, it was far from flawless. And who knows, maybe I will never again find that but I will have done the things that matter to me and that is ALL that matters. I'm so happy I have friends that support me and understand who I am. And what I need. I no longer feel guilty for the choices I've made--I am proud. You can't live your life for anyone but yourself. Some day I'll be ready to start the new chapter but for now I'm exploring the moment.


Float weightlessly through marshmallow air
and wash your fears away.
Trust the moment and accept the embrace...
The possibilities are endless and calling your name.