Hopelessly Helpless

Salt water drips down my face as I sit in a puddle of my sorrows.
Oh, how I wish Life's answers would come knocking at my door.
Instead I am left alone and broken and wondering where this twisted road will lead me.
I must find comfort in life slapping me in the face every now and again.
I am a bit masochistic after all.
Have I subconsciously wished this upon myself?

I will bow down and accept this role of villain. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I am not deserving.
I have dictated the treatment that is being given to me.
Love is not unconditional. It must be earned.
I have not earned this great, grand, glossy love that can be.

Is this person who I long for too perfect for reality?
Does this person find me in my dreams and when my big brown eyes open at dawn--
does He slip away into a world lost til sundown once again?

Questions left unanswered...dissolve with the morning fog as we make our way into Sunday.

And I wonder, why relationships are easily given away and hands are wiped clean.

But a ring has the power to change things completely?
A superficial shiny piece of glimmer and glitz can hold two people together in a way that nothing else can.
To create a bind worthy of extra effort.
Do I long for that promise? That flashy guarantee.


And I cry and I sigh and I wish for...
A hug and some love and a kiss on the cheek.
A feeling in my stomach that makes me so weak.

So I'll wait and I'll dream and I'll pray.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day.

It's in these moments, these struggles, these chapters...
I stand up tall and walk beautifully,
reminding myself that my book has hundreds of pages...
and I'm only on page 43.