And I'm Off...

Today marks the beginning of a defining journey.
How can words describe the feeling I have in this moment?
I have longed for this experience for as long as I can remember and NOW--
It is finally happening!

I will glide into this moment with eyes wide open and
arms outstretched, ready to embrace whatever may come my way.

I'm soaring through the silky sky, enchanted by my natural high.

No memory bank of such experience to cloud my mind with expectations.
A free bird, a clean slate, an empty sponge soaking up the weight of the world.

There's no other way this could have been.
This was meant to be.
About me, for once--a dedication to my desires and curiosities.

I pray for wellness and no regrets.
I pray for a ground-breaking, earth-shaking change.
I pray for a new advanced state of mind...
Now it is here, now is MY time.

Understand Me

I wish you would stand by my side and embrace this growth I so desperately need.
Be there for me as I've been there for you.
Know if you do, I will always stay true.

Am I asking too much, am I way out of line?
Am I holding onto something that will just never be...
Will the distance between your time and mine just never align?

In my eyes, it's YOU that has walked out on me.
Not letting me discover the woman I'll be.
The wife that you want and the friend that you need.

It is you who is selfish this time around.
Walked out on me and pushed me down.
All because I had a dream and stood my ground.

If you understood me, you would still be right here.

But instead you accuse me of choosing this over you,
that I lied about my love, that I just wasn't true.

All I can do is what I feel in my heart...
and hope that soon we will not be apart.

Stumbling

Listening to songs that remind me of you.
Wishing I could hear your voice, wondering if you think of me too.

There are days when I wonder--what have I done?
But then, it was you that ultimately ended it, right...
All through the day and night, I cry.

Feelings of guilt rush over me, remembering the way you make me feel...
Have I turned my back on you?

When do the lines between you and I blur, when is it too much to sacrifice myself for you...
This is what I ponder as I stumble through the heartache.

Imaginary Letter

Dear Alex,

Our last conversation transpired yesterday and it was all my fault.
You know me, the queen of zero thinking ---> before action.
The thought of you came to mind and my reaction was too swift for sound reason.
I am sorry for that. And for everything else.

I am sorry for the promises of husband and wife.
The house and the kids and white picket fence.

I am sorry for being me.

I'm sure my apologies are hollow in your eyes...
but you'll never see this letter--because you told me yesterday to
NEVER CONTACT YOU AGAIN.

And because I love and respect the person you are, I will do just that.

I never thought this day would come, the day the man who taught me how to Love--
would disappear forever.

How hard it is to think of you and know that it's the end.
The loss of my love and my very best friend.

And of course, as you say, I wanted it this way...
So why am I so sad?

I'm sad because I've hurt you.
I'm sad because I don't want to be the source of your pain.
I'm sad because I couldn't be the woman you needed me to be.

That woman is in me, she's just not ready to be released.

And when that time rolls around, I will no longer have you as the person I'll share her with.
That thought devastates me.

I hope I wasn't a waste of your time.
I hope you still think of me with high regard but at this point--
I just don't think that is so.

Damn, that hurts.
To realize that you will never look at me again with adoration in your eyes.

Only time will tell if my "selfishness" will lead to right or wrong.
The dreamer in me--must make a few reality before she'll be complete.

I'm sorry you landed in the middle of my journey and not the eminent end.

With Love,
Danielle

2013

It's going to be ironic when I settle for less than I had before.
And the memory of him will chase me around for eternity.

Mystery of Tomorrow

It's the unknown that holds me captive.
Caged like a bird desperate to fly.

I'm chained to the what-ifs of tomorrow--
Longing to be in a new time and place.

Fear of another you, never will I meet.
Confused on why I'd want another when you're standing in my face...

Why aren't you good enough?
How are my needs not met?

Drifting in and out of self-loathing and self-righteousness.
Wondering when it with all make sense.

Or if it ever will.

The loneliness that comes in moments of silence terrorizes me and drags me down.

I give in to my flaws and become less of who I want to be...

I'm scared of the future's clouded mystery.

Namaste

The light within me honors the light within you.
You. You. You.

I breathe in the aura that permeates your pores.
So blessed to have you hold me and call me yours.

I cherish your existence and treasure your soul.
You've changed me so beautifully; you've made me whole.

If I had it my way, things would just Be.
But that wouldn't be healthy for you nor for me.

So today is the day, I must let you go.
But know that I'm here if you ever feel low.

And know that I'm sad and know that I cry.
And know I'll miss the sparkle in your eyes.

My heavy feet walk out the door.
Because You, You, You--YOU deserve more.

Goodbye to the one who has set me free.
Thank you for simply loving me for me.

Goodbye to my love, my very best friend.

Goodbye to You, this must be the end...