Imaginary Letter

Dear Alex,

Our last conversation transpired yesterday and it was all my fault.
You know me, the queen of zero thinking ---> before action.
The thought of you came to mind and my reaction was too swift for sound reason.
I am sorry for that. And for everything else.

I am sorry for the promises of husband and wife.
The house and the kids and white picket fence.

I am sorry for being me.

I'm sure my apologies are hollow in your eyes...
but you'll never see this letter--because you told me yesterday to
NEVER CONTACT YOU AGAIN.

And because I love and respect the person you are, I will do just that.

I never thought this day would come, the day the man who taught me how to Love--
would disappear forever.

How hard it is to think of you and know that it's the end.
The loss of my love and my very best friend.

And of course, as you say, I wanted it this way...
So why am I so sad?

I'm sad because I've hurt you.
I'm sad because I don't want to be the source of your pain.
I'm sad because I couldn't be the woman you needed me to be.

That woman is in me, she's just not ready to be released.

And when that time rolls around, I will no longer have you as the person I'll share her with.
That thought devastates me.

I hope I wasn't a waste of your time.
I hope you still think of me with high regard but at this point--
I just don't think that is so.

Damn, that hurts.
To realize that you will never look at me again with adoration in your eyes.

Only time will tell if my "selfishness" will lead to right or wrong.
The dreamer in me--must make a few reality before she'll be complete.

I'm sorry you landed in the middle of my journey and not the eminent end.

With Love,
Danielle